About The Host
It’s funny writing an about page when I am always trying to figure out exactly who I am. But I guess that’s like everyone else, right? We are constantly in flux.
But what is’t in flux is that I am an only child (let the armchair therapist theories fly), I am a father to two boys, I am a husband of almost twenty years and together for over a quarter century, I have been a professional photographer for over a decade (you can check out my work here), I am a dog lover, mountain maurauder, music hoarder, restaurant recommender, therapy attender, shower and car singer, deep conversation seeker, regular movie and TV show cryer, and like Cat Stevens I’m always on the road to fuck around and find out (not sure Cat would approve of the prior, but maybe Yusuf would?)
I have failed miserably everywhere in my life, and I have succeeded in ways I never thought I would. Doubted myself more times than I can count, and yet found ways to trust myself in necessary moments. Let myself down. Let my family down. Let friends down. Got myself through. Carried my family through. Walked my friends through. Lost my way, found my way to a beautifully whole level, lost it again and still seeking solid ground. Some conversations too painful to have were stowed away and miserably suffered over and over again in my head, and other times I have stepped up with an open mind and open heart and was able to let the words be what they needed to be. And other conversations that were equally painful I forced into the open in desperation, causing myself anxiety, anger and shame, while other times I learned from that pain and found ways to decide which were worth the breath and which I could let go of for the time being. And most of all I have tried to thwart, duck, dodge, and avoid the idea that process is a must, and just recently began to accept that I have only been gaslighting myself.
Does this resonate with you?
What’s Finding Your Normal About Anyway?
Normal
/ adjective / (nor-mal) :
1 conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern: characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine.
2 according with, constituting, or not deviating from a rule, procedure, or principle.
3 occurring naturally
*The above definition is provided by the Merriam Webster Dictionary.
In 2018, I came up with the idea for Finding Your Normal. Through some of my own hardships in my personal life, via conversations with friends, and in sessions with my therapist I started becoming aware of this radically negative bias we all carry to one degree or another. This idea that somehow the people we admire, or even those closest to us, are so much more evolved than we are and that we are, by some bout of bad luck or galaxial prank, fucked up.
Because of this thought that we are a defect of some sort we get stuck. We get stuck in our thoughts. We get stuck in this place of self-victimization. And we get stuck in a narrative that doesn’t serve us.
So the simple question that came to me was, if we are all to one level or another feeling this weight, feeling that we are less than, feeling that we are not normal or that we are fucked up…then isn’t that what normal should really be? And to be clear, I don’t mean that feeling less than is the normal way to feel, but that questioning how we feel, wondering how we fit in, wanting to be loved and valued and because we were never taught to understand this, that we found ways to survive, to get what we need as we need it, and at whatever cost to ourselves; that this is what normal should be.
And so if we can have a simple conversation. A place of intention and openness and curiosity, could we create a safe place for some self-understanding as we listen to people share exactly what we’re experiencing and in doing so realize that we aren’t alone in any of this?
And so Finding Your Normal was born.
Why it took me so long to bring this to reality. Why now? Where do I see this going? I am sure we we’ll get into all of that at some point. But the goal is simple: through genuine conversation and shared stories help to provide a path for those feeling lost to begin to see and trust their way.
Contact Me
If you or someone you know is interested in joining me in a conversation, please fill out the form here and we can schedule a time to talk more and see if it’s a good fit.